Dear Rosé,

Dear Rose,   24 hours left before 2015 closes its last page.   I have plenty to say but so little words. It all started with dream and a to-do list, where 'happened' eventually relate to itself.   First of all, 2015 is my graduation year. I am officially a diploma in music and performing arts graduate at the age of 20. Despite myself living away from home during the years of study, my occasional homesick was retreated by life itself - curiosity, emotions and excitement. Time where freedom was given to seek true self and shape own lifestyle, although today I am still continuously in the process of this lifelong hide-and-seek.   Little things truly matter. I miss two of my favorites but actually there is infinite more, greater than just memories. Those are the stars of the constellation in me. Thank you and sorry for all my mistakes in the past. In future and present, do pamper me with great mistakes and failures because be great is a promise. Other than specific passion,

Dear Rose, I am currently reading a book about being interesting person, and first two steps say one should go exploring and share what you discover, well I am ongoing step two after two weeks of musical voyage. Intercontinental Hotel is such a luxury place where well-prepared daily breakfast buffet was offered to all our orchestra members. I am missing the cup of latte and beef bacon already. Annoying roommates trio from room 1709 - Chloe and Charissa and I were totally failed in going to bed early, obviously we hardly stopped our midnight talk and crazy laughter. Chloe is the type of person who is extremely sensitive to sound and light. I am sorry for not hearing the alarms though. Thank you sweet Charissa for the hairdo, I am feeling beautiful! I don't count the concerts we performed within these two weeks but I guess there were nine including "Petronas' Merdeka Award 2015", MPYO Christmas gigs, chamber music concert, "Beethoven's Fifth Symp

Congratulations to all my pals!  25th Nov - We celebrate our graduation for the milestones we achieved along with the joy from our loving family. It is a day to be proud of, thanks to all the educators for leading us to path where we desire. I arrived, I am here, walking towards the central of stage. After years being a musician in the choir and convocation orchestra. But what now?  After walking towards to the second half of the stage, offstage. This thought has been haunting me for some time, I am not sure. It is good to be unsure I think, possibility is everywhere as long we ain't giving up on something we long desire. Dean was happy for me. I know he is because he is. How proud a teacher is and how sad can a teacher be, to watch students leaving campus in every graduation? How complicated that moment of feelings can be? I hardly feel but I know I am truly proud of all my teachers, thank you, thank you!

16 - 22 November 2015, my first MPYO camp and concert on Dewan Filharmonik Petronas, KLCC, stage. Hardly put it all into words, but it seemed miracles happened all at once. First of all, I am deeply in love with my section: Marques, Rizqin and Miane Sng. How lucky I am to have such wonderful people around whom Marques would call - my family. I felt nervous and weak at times but they never gave up on lifting me. They helped me in my weaknesses and taught me for growth, because they believe in me way better than I do. How could I not tell that I am so blessed to have all of them, thank you, so much love! I would never forget the night we drove to Zouk Club KL to watch Marques' performance with his Bassment Syndicate; first supper at Burger Lab where Miane Sng and I took a selfie and sent it to Brett; English classic oldies 'disco' in the car with Rizqin and Sheng; funny jokes and heartfelt words; night at small rehearsal room where Rizqin and I 'struggled&#

Dear Rose,   It's Alnwick Music Camp week! All I wanted is to meet Kevin Field - well known conductor whom used to conduct the Malaysian Philharmonic Youth Orchestra. I still heard about him from many of my friends. I am lucky enough to grab this opportunity to work with him towards lots of interesting music and activities.   Thank you to Nicole Thomson as well. She is the coach for vocal section. We had so much fun doing dancing and singing games with her as she has fantastic personalities, which always never failed to support and encourage us throughout the process of learning outside the comfort zone. I finally be able to brave myself conducting the orchestra was all credits to her, and Mr Field whom guided me on my conducting techniques trial.   I will definitely not to forget my camp mates. They all are from different ages, background and places but undoubtedly they are all amazing individuals. I appreciate their help and support towards all of me. I wish I would remembe

Dear Rose,   Hi ya. Time flies, especially when it is weekend. What have I done for these seven days in past week? It seems too rushed to be remembered. Nevertheless, today (25th October 2015, Sunday) is a special day out of all extraordinary days - meeting my teachers.   I had rehearsal at Aswara for student big band recording project this morning. As usual I was about to meet people whom make music. Surprisingly, I bumped into my secondary school marching band teacher - Mr Goh. I was thinking we might be able to meet someday playing music together, as I believe the music circle is so small, somehow the close relations within people in the industry will bring us together at some circumstances. And it happened, Mr Goh was coming for the project rehearsal. It was little happy moment for us.   After the rehearsal, I had quick lunch with parents before heading to KLCC. Today MPO performed Wagner's Ring - big brass thing. Composer - Wagner enlarged brass section by adding contrab

Dear Rose,   How are you? I started a book recently, it is a philosophy book I borrowed from Rizqin. There is a saying from it, ' happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.' I guess I am doing it quite politely.   I am missing the days in university a bit while I am quite enjoying with the life I have now. It had already been a while I voyaged backward to home. Trying to figure on plans while engaging myself in further possibilities and opportunities out there.   As usual, I practice and do preparation on weekdays, while orchestra rehearsals and private lessons happen on weekends. Thinking of if I train myself to wake up early in the morning, I probably can spend more time on books and other fun stuffs. 17th October 2015, Saturday   Today at 10 a.m. I had my second private lesson with Marques, every two weeks. Again I met his mysterious friends - Marxy and 'Baby' two adorable cats. Marques always never failed to acknowledge

Dear Rose,   It had been a truly busy weekend. I am supposed to rest now after long journey home but I still have some thinking stuff to do before I go to bed. Dear Rose, oh dear Rose, I always hope that I am doing the right thing for you. 10th October 2015, Saturday   MPO tubist, Brett, came to teach me alone during WIT. It was my first time getting a MPO tutor after several weeks in WIT program. I was so grateful to learn and play duet with him. He inspired me by playing the same etude with different interpretation and colors. He talked to me about the music composers and history which would definitely enhance my ability towards musical ideas and expressions, in stead of technically well done. It was a wonderful moment in DFP.   Right after WIT, I took KTM to Tanjong Malim for UPSI Alumni Big Band Practice II. 11th October 2015, Sunday   I woke up really early at around 5 a.m. because I needed to catch the ETS train at 6 a.m. to KL Sentral. I was having my breakfast alone

Dear Rose, I probably seen the audition notice of Asian Youth Jazz Orchestra a year ago. This year the selected members are on ASEAN tour and Dewan Filharmonik Petronas, Kuala Lumpur, would be their last stop before they dismiss. It was really impressive that the conductor/ Osamu Matsumoto is a trombone player whom also played trombone while conducting the orchestra. He even arranged most of the repertoires being played by the AYJO. I would never forget that one piece named " Yesterday Among the Flow of Time" with reharmonization idea clearly performed. People might think that was simply singing out of tune. Tonight is totally again a whole new approach to music experience. I could tell there was one hidden classical piece Bolero which he arranged into something extraordinary jazzy. I know the tune because I really "love" playing Bolero for my trombone audition. It was very inspiring to know Asian musicians could perform such great jazz work. Outstanding soloist

Dear Rose, You wouldn't know how grateful I am especially today. If you wonder where had I been recently, then I probably would be hanging around with some wonderful people from Aswara. Well, the reason I always sneaked into Aswara was I simply need a proper practice room. Almost everyday, my target is to practice and practice, as this is the only way I can achieve something out of my dreams. But good things always come unexpectedly as only God knows which is the best plan. I met my friends: Zuhaili, Rachel, Syafiq, Zuhilmi, Rai, C Min, Wyng Yeen, friends from Asean University Orchestra, KLPac Symphonic Band, Big Band Story, everywhere. They are all currently studying in Aswara except Zuhilmi from University of Malaya. Music circle is very small and warm. Today is my first day joining their orchestra practice in Aswara. It is a pleasure for me to play in the orchestra as the music choices just fit me. Conductor is Dr Takahisa Ota, he was the Resident Conductor for KLPac Orc

Dear Rose, I guess myself would be doing nothing for this period of time before further my degree study, but eventually I am not. This is the time I get to meet up with old friends and quickly catch up with things I missed out. Poetry would say, friendships are like stars. So, here's my stargazing: - Credits to our photographer/ Wenn @ KLCC Check out the Aquaria KLCC, what a beautiful social place to make aquatic friends. Interesting questions and ideas kept popping up in mind, which imagination claimed. Moon jellyfish is made up of 95% water, what about the other 5% ? Although bloody big sharks are frightening, but in fact they are all guardians of the ocean. I think humans who killed sharks and raped their fins are even cruel; Seahorses are simply adorable; I got to touch sea cucumbers and starfish, kinda adventurous; I guess some people just think going to the Aquaria is childish thing, but for me to remember how tiny I am as a human out of many many in

“ 每个人的人生，都有一段片刻在等，那叫做过渡期。  我安慰自己  每个人的人生，都有一段考验在等，那叫做别放弃。  我激励自己” - 严爵【困在台北】 Dear Rose, Which destination is our next? I've been thinking and wandering around, puzzling, swirling for an answer, which is nearly perfect and fits right. Currently soon a diploma graduate. Jobless still seeking for that one thing I can hold on to. Tried a few but simply success never comes easy. If not music, what else - writing. Suddenly came across some thought of having a second major, what if - language and literature I guess. Two powerful arts in expressing love to eternity. Poetry is definitely my favorite. Which plan for a degree? Lately here is the thinking I focus most. All information for preparing an audition, documents and qualifications, so on. Marques Young replied " sure!" when I asked him for trombone lesson, but I doubt myself not ready to meet him yet. As I felt the guilt when Zachary Bond questioned on my daily practice routine. No doubt, the only solution - p

11th September 2015, Friday Moving on to UPSI a day before Alumni Big Band tutti practice. Took a train and settled down at Yi Pin's room, such a relieved! Headed to evening section practice with Monica riding on a motorbike, I already told her to slow it downnnnn! 12th & 13th September 2015, Saturday & Sunday UPSI Alumni Big Band met up. A new Big Band is formed by the old members, a calling for music makers to come home. I still remember the first day I stepped into music faculty, it was the Big Band that welcomed us with heartwarming music performance leaded En Zamrus. It was the first UPSI orchestra I started joining since my first semester - they called it one family, forever. While En Zamrus - we called him as our father of UPSI Big Band. We started off with the most challenging pieces: Sing Sang Sung, Take The 'A' Train, It Don't Mean A Thing, Trumpet Euy! and Getaway. What a great opportunity to meet up our brothers and sisters, working on some dif

Been listening to Rachel Guerzo's album lately - the one I purchased and got it signed by Rachel herself on the 10th September 2015, Thursday, first day of the KL International Jazz Festival 2015, which was held in the University of Malaya. Never thought that I would find such soothing and thrilling jazz album from local music cart. It is again a whole new exposure and inspirations for me toward the industry. " I guess you wouldn't dream to be born a Royal princess after meeting such fantastic Soliano family!" - posted by me via Facebook. I attended the first day just to have a peek at the well known Alfonso Soliano's work. Alfonso Soliano is also known as the Malaysia's father of jazz, whom set up our nation's first orchestra for Radio Malaya. http://jazzuality.com/jazz-news/rachel-guerzo-productions-launches-alfonso-25-a-tribute-album-to-legendary-alfonso-soliano/ Usually for such great work, just taking a sip of it would never enough - his influ

The plan was to practice at Dewan Philharmonik Petronas, KLCC since Abang Rizqin could not make it for instance, so I changed my mind for instant - now sneak into Aswara - the nearest practice room I prefer. Sneaked into Aswara, I pretended like they never knew me. But an instant later, Zuhaili came to knock the door! Obviously I was being caught by the Aswarians all the way the moment I entered to the campus compound, okay failed. Besides Zuhaili ( my internship friend, guitarist ), I aslo met Ong Jia Yong ( new friend from Klpac, percussionist ), Tong ( internship friend, violinist), Syafiq ( internship friend, guitarist), C Min ( MPYO, clarinetist ), Bassist Zulhilmy's girlfriend ( Big Band Story, I still can't recall her name ) and a new friend ( ex-MPYO, violinist ). It was a bit complicated at the linking moment, such fun! I conquered the practice room for hours. Zu as usual practicing next door. Called this a perfect combination as I always interrupt him whenever I

Finally I am having this precious time gap to sum up some of the things I've been working on lately. 16th August 2015, Sunday. I attended Klpac Symphonic Band audition and I succeed! Band director, Cheryl Mah, kindly gave me some advise towards music, I really appreciate and will continue to work on it! I will never forget the moment she said " you know me? I think we are friends on Facebook." Huh?? 26th August 2015, Wednesday. I auditioned for Klpac Orchestra but I got email replied saying that they already have enough trombonist. Maybe you may ask why am I busy engaging with orchestras, I think maybe this is a good time for me to get exposure and experience towards performing before I further my study. Meanwhile, 26th August 2015, Wednesday, was also our recital day at RTM Angkasapuri. It was a workshop recital. I performed Lament, Against All Odds and Someday My Prince Will Come with friends and RTM musicians. I will always remember, so precious!

Datuk Mokhzani (second left) is the music director of RTM I started off my daily internship report on the 8th June 2015. Counting down to 100 days until 28th August 2015, I had already given myself an A proudly, like what had always been favorited from Maestro Benjamin Zander, a "break all limbs" promise to myself. Literally it was a three months internship program. Wondering and wondering what could be done here - RTM Angkasapuri, a long heard famous place where mainly local broadcasting and music-making happen. To be honest, I had a lot of mixed feelings at first. Angkasapuri, also known as Radio Televisyen Malaysia (RTM), is a big compound encloses several buildings: Wisma TV, Wisma Radio, Bangunan Rentak 50, Wisma Berita RTM, Auditorium P. Ramlee and more. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angkasapuri Internship students majoring in music were placed under Rentak 50 - music service department. And for not long, it turned out being listed in my personal fav

My dream was to play with the MPYO and now my dream came true after two years dreaming of it every day and night. My first time performing as a MPYO member and it was the IOC Opening Ceremony at the Plenary Hall, KLCC. The pieces we performed were mainly composed by local composers included Dato' Mokhzani Ismail, Dato' Johari Salleh and Vivian Chua, entitled Together in the Spirit of the Games, We Are One, Tanah Pusaka, Jambatan Doh Tamparuli, Negaraku and Olympic Hymn by Donovan Seidle. What I learnt from it was, the bond between western orchestra and local music composition especially Malay Pop is still relating. Even though MPYO plays mainly western classical music, but as a musician, I should be able to play all genre of music with good interpretation. Thank you conductor, Encik Ahmad Muriz Che Rose for all his advise and patience, his smile during his conducting was so heartwarming and it gave me so much of satisfaction. And after two years of formal lessons with my

This is my blog, I don't really welcome people here as I'm simply timid. I usually don't remember the craps I wrote especially when I'm being so emotional, writing is simply a way I can express to release myself from breakdown. Or, I do have something memorable / happy to write. Obviously I'm the type of person who'd easily forget, and by writing it down as a reminder, in years later I hope I'd still get to know myself better. Reason I open up my blog to public, hmm I'm trying not to be so timid. " It's okay to be naked!" I'm not okay but I think it'd be okay in some ways before I change my mind. Mum used to tell me not to share everything to everyone when I started to blog during my mid-teen years. And adults tend to grow fear when they realize that life is composed of tragedy - I'm 20. It's a way of experimental practice to the unknown in me. I have friends who blog for years, we started together probably. It&

最近有点过累，这段期间一直抱着对MPYO的梦想撑到了现在。持续不断地练习，一直一直努力提升自己来达到面试水平。一直不断地去观赏我喜欢的MPO，每天都在祈祷着自己也能够成为他们的一分子，也能踏上那样的舞台，无时无刻都在羡慕着。偶尔还做梦，梦醒。 一天，如果是足够充实，就足以让人在沉淀下来的那一刻，有着无法细述的思虑，让人瞬间穿越成长。因为经历总让人有很多繁华的复杂思绪，言语来不及整理，更赶不上文字的概述。才明白疲惫原来也可以是一种满足，坚持也可以是一种回报。 不管我能否成功跨越舞台，但，我已经看见了自己的成长，感恩一直鼓舞着我的每一双手。比起之前紧张到流汗眼花乱七八糟，还曾经哭着离场过，今天我能过用心地为评审演奏，虽然后来也慌了少许，但我觉得这是我努力突破的证明，我为自己又跨出了一大步，然后继续跨出脚步，一直在前进的路上就不怕迷失。 开始想家了，想念所有在原点等着我的人，一直一直都呼唤着，绕过一圈两岸平行线交接的那一刻，老婆们。

Today Dr Burrell played the birthday song on the piano and the crowd sang it for me! How grateful! Dr Burrell wished me happy birthday!

Today is my birthday and it's World Wish Day, which means I can make two wishes. Just now Monica, Yi Pin, Kelly, Cheryl and Eric celebrated my birthday for me. They brought me to a birthday cake surprised at Monica's house. They told me to make three wishes before I blew off the candles and say the third wish out. My three wishes: 1. Make it into the MPYO audition 2. Give more All I wish is to give more in stead of receiving. That's how I learn and development the potential in me. At the same time, giving means there's receiving on the other side, which means some contributions. Being people's need is a kind of happiness. Give more possibilities, give more love! If I have the ability to give, then I am wealth. Give more makes me richer than simply receive more. 3. Safe and good health for all family and friends Happy Birthday to me, and thanks to mum. It's a perfect born day!

Sunday, 26th April 2015 A day tour guide at the DFP, KLCC I brought my AUO friends from Indonesia to MPO concert at DFP, KLCC. Lip Sheng came and met me at the box office, DFP. I felt kinda guilty as he supposed to go Aswara to watch his juniors' wind orchestra competition. He accompanied me hanging around at the CD shop and Kinobuniya bookstore until the MPO concert finished. I wondered if he felt boring or maybe tired. Thank you Lip Sheng, we should had watched movie in stead of walking around. Hope I'd make it into the MPYO audition, and then we play together in the orchestra. And good luck to his UPSI audition too! ( 'til now we don't even have a picture together LOL)

20th April 2015 - 25th April 2015 I'd been busy with AUO at UKM, Bangi. Faculty did not approve our permission letter to the concert practice at UKM, Bangi. I was disappointed at first. As I knew there was the other list of people who had been selected by the faculty to attend this AUO event. But at the end, none of them attended the concert except the non-selected-people. It was quite a difficult week for me and friends, as we traveled all the way from UPSI, Tanjung Malim to UKM, Bangi almost every day and night. I missed classes on Friday as it was the final rehearsal for Saturday's event, I lost some marks for my presentation but nevermind, I'm sure what I gained from there is much more valuable than just marks. I met a lot of friends and inspiring people. Datuk Johari Salleh and Ncle Adzan . They both are very talented and strong icons in Malaysia music industry. I am so grateful to have a few discussions with them about the career and path that I am heading. Ncl