#每周手账25: attach-ment

 Dear Rose,

Today is another lucky day.

Having someone to spend time and relieve the negative feelings in me is always the luckiest thing. 

Thank you.

We talked about how working from home feels like when we are living together with our family. Many circumstances could distract us from work. So, we consider moving out as one of the alternatives.

But this pandemic has taught me to appreciate my family more than ever. 

This is the first time in my life I get to be with my family 24/7 for more than a year - the longest time ever. Before this, my parents, sibling and I, used to be very occupied with our work and my grandma was living 2 hours away from our city. 

Living together has allowed us understand each other better I guess. Of course, there were conflicts and arguments almost everyday, but slowly we learn how to deal with each other's habits. 

I am grateful to see my family healthy and safe everyday.

//

We also had a good conversation about what's going on in our relationships. 

I always know that I have attachment issue which leads me to having difficult time trusting people most of the time. And I was told to read about my attachment style. I took a few online tests and I found out that I have avoidant traits. 

Relationship Domain                    |    Your Attachment Style

General                                         -    Secure

Mother                                          -    Fearful-avoidant*

Father                                           -    Dismissing-avoidant*

Romantic                                      -    Fearful-avoidant*

Friend                                            -    Secure

*people who are fearful avoidant in their relationships are uncomfortable depending on others and serving as an attachment figure. Moreover, they worry that others may not be there emotionally when they are most needed. 

*people who are dismissing in their relationships are not comfortable opening up to others and depending on or having others depend on them. In addition, they are not concerned with the question of whether the other person truly cares about them.

But overall, my general attachment style is Secure. 

Secure people are comfortable depending on others and having the other person depend on them.

I have been feeling overwhelming lately.

As a result, my recent scores for these three attachment-related states are higher than average people:

This red graph below shows how well my romantic relationship functions. My sense of commitment is 1.43, which is lower than that of the average person (4.17). 

Sometimes I really feel this relationship is pointless. Should I get a new boyfriend anytime soon?

This relationship has been in a toxic condition since forever. I am not happy about it at all. 

My personality traits say I am highly neurotic and open to experience.

In which I tend to feel things deeply, highly sensitive, and prefer a variety of activities over a strict routine. 

To this point, I think I need to seek help from a therapist or a counsellor. Or I should ask for a break, this relationship just doesn't work for me anymore. Let go.

Dear Rose, I wish you could listen to your family and friends earlier, stay way from this toxic relationship. He is not your Mr. Right. They just want you to be happy and be you.

You're loved. Goodnight.