Dear Rosé,

It was really exciting to get an opportunity to explore the outside world - how I felt when I was being invited to be part of the Big Band Story by both my seniors, Abg Khairul and Abg Rizqin. I learnt and experienced so much from the Big Band Story members and also great people from Aswara. They taught me new things about jazz music. I found out these great people are really nice and humble, they inspired me to be a musician with nice personalities. From here I learnt my weakness and what to achieve. Thanks again for the love and inspirations. I met my super senior from SMK Batu Lapan. Although we never met in school before but we were so glad that Big Band Story brought us together. Music brings unity. Here's the trombone section, my new brothers - Aidili, Khairul Asri, Sabri, Abg Khairul, Abg Rizqin and me! They are the coolest trombone section ever! They guided me throughout the practice especially Abg Khairul Asri and Aidili. And last but not

1. Asmawi Azizd - 4 Sept 1995 Virgo I never realized we actually met each other since the day I went to UPSI diploma audition at UMS, Sabah. And then we were in the same group during Dr Karen's musicianship final performance. I already started to nag him since that time until now we applied for the same major instrument - trombone. We played together in quartet, ensemble and orchestras. He is kind of slow person. I did not know why but slowly I found out at times he purposely acted slow just to make angry people to get angrier damn! Underneath his soft personality I never knew, he could be quite though sometimes when his good friends get into troubles. He is like our youngest brother here. We felt like his needs to be protected but actually he could do quite well on his own. Even sometimes I got moody or frustrated, he could still bare with me without saying a word. But I really hate whenever he made me felt guilty of not being able to hear his silent thoughts, always! 

昨天， 我很幼稚，跟父母闹别扭。 就因为，没有人花时间陪我， 感到孤单。 爸爸没有责备，一路塞车，载我到想去的地方。 我一路很安静，闹情绪，多半是在生气自己，怎么那么幼稚... 我只是想找人陪。 还跟爸妈说：“我想回学校...我很忙...” 从以前就一直不诚实，到现在成了一种习惯 其实 我话说得越多，声量越大，就代表我越需要一个人来倾听... 安静地要到极限了... 我喜欢安静 但是有时候 感觉安静得快被遗忘了... 吵闹，是安静闹的情绪... 安静，却让寂寞来打扰。

I will always remember my black and white guardian seniors - both so caring and helpful.  1. The black guardian - Abg Khairul He looks strict and kind of evil. I was really afraid of him when I first stepped into UPSI. Respect him at the same time as he taught me a lot of new stuffs. He was the one who brought me to En Mustaqim for the first time, just to show me how a quartet looks like. Randomly he likes to make fun of me or else I can hardly see him smiles. Maybe someday someone'll truly understand his quiet beyond his seriousness. I believe he is never a bad guy. He loves jazz! 2. The white guardian - Abg Rizqin Before we knew each other, abg Rizqin was a very quiet person. When I just came to UPSI, I heard that he had phobia due to relationship problems, which caused his difficulties to get close with any girl. But surprisingly, I got to talk to him a little. Slowly I noticed some changes in him. (I think I just simply love to observe people) He became m

Period: almost one month 1. UPSI Big Band Tour @ Penang Philharmonic Jazz Orchestra & IPG, Perlis. Buzz! 2. 3D2N trip to M elaka with friends. I love cultural and historical place. Coconut shake, cendol, durian puffs taste really good too! 3. Hang out with the Princesses! My brother drove. He sent us to the new Starbucks and we started our girls' talk after so long. They are my sunlight! I feel so positive after seeing them! 4. Kepong. I stay at aunt's condominium for the coming two weeks. So that I can spend time with grandma before I get too busy. And she cooks for us everyday, that's how she shows her love!  5. Swimming! Simply love swimming as I don't have to sweat a lot! 6. Aswara Big Band Story! I was still thinking about places for my further studies in degree. And Aswara was in the list. This was a good opportunity for me to do some survey. I met my seniors, abg Khairul and abg Rizqin. And new friends from UiTM, Aswar

10-12/10/2014 Thank you Big Band for this precious opportunity. En Zamrus and Mr Jerome Quah, I never thought that I could perform a solo in such big show. Their courage and guidance allowed me to make mistakes with no doubt. Seniors, especially the brass section: Kak Umi, Kak Syahda, Abg Azmier, Abg Qayyum, Abg Ad Wafri.  Awesome seniors:  Abg Shah Ren, Kak Diana, Kak Georgi, Abg Wann Iilias, Abg Shah, Kak Khalilah, Abg Jasni, Kak Rheiny... Nana Brass & Fanfare, every bittersweet moments we shared. Doesn't matter how far we've gone, Big Band is always our home. Awesome music makers, Dear friends from Penang Jazz Community and IPG Perlis, we all journey to the ringing bells callings, and now we touch shoulders as music brought us closer. We shared a little passion and love, same goes to the future world, spread more love! Myself, Here's the track to where your dreams belong. Never lost, never force. Learn to trust self and live your life wi

再一次因为争吵 他跟我提出了分手 再一次我没有反驳 他问我为什么保持沉默 我没有认输 只是 我们都输给了坚持。 既然我们都不适合彼此 不如放手 只是我不明白 所谓真爱 不是互相扶持 曾经永恒 只是随口的承诺？ 我不明白 什么才是爱情 如何证实 用常挂在嘴边的甜言蜜语 不能兑现的承诺 对我来说是多么虚伪 不断地澄清，狡辩 用来辨别爱情的浓度真假 累 也许我们对爱情的认知 无法达到共识 也许我们有太多的相似 所以造成排斥 都怪我们爱得太无知 输给了坚持。

[爱情就像捧在手心的小鸟，捉太紧它会窒息，不捉牢它可能飞走。] 从前开始 故事里的爱情总是甜蜜收场 身边的情侣们爱得那么张扬 听着情歌在默默治疗的内伤 从什么时候开始变得不痛不痒 没人说过 爱情可以让人那么混淆 本以为自身爱得很理智 老装资深给人爱情贴士 其实自己才是最受伤的孩子 谁来教我 爱情本身就是种不理智 可以让人不知觉地迷失 我不懂得控制 该止步还是往前 脑袋跟不上心脏的步调 甚至转向了不同的频道 谁来把我拉回轨道 我不知道 我是不是很善忘 常常忘记别人对我的好 总是记不起钥匙往哪儿放 但却忘不掉爱一个人带来的伤 我可以忍耐 没人教我 受过伤要怎么变坚强 错爱要怎么更正 爱情里的对错要如何划分 爱是不是一定会受伤 成长总会受的伤 跌倒才学会走路 我了解 都是些 没人会教我的事 必须靠自己学起来 感谢 没人教会我的事 谢谢 让我经历这些的人

突然好想你 好想当年的那个自己 过得还好吗？ 心底的思念无法言语 怀念着以往的点滴 差点忘了珍惜的过去 一起肩并肩走了过来 一路有你 我才能走下去 生命总会有许多过客 有的只会插肩而过 有的留下宝贵的一课 我是不是很善忘 点阅着面子书才发现 我们都没变 让人怀念的笑颜 在脑海里浮现 你给的爱与关怀 是我上过最宝贵的课程 愿不远的将来 我能为你写一首曲 用最美的旋律 以最好的音色 献给你 我生命的贵客 谢谢你 愿在不远的将来 如果不能遇见你 也能传达给你 我最真诚的问候

每当孤独的时候总是会想起， 中学时期的那一个人。 隐隐约约回想起 在一起挥洒的青春。 我怀念当时的单纯， 即使我们都搞不懂爱情真实的摸样， 依然 懵懵懂懂地守护各自的爱情。 即使遍体鳞伤 不在乎。 就凭着一股傻劲， 以自己的方式 前进。 我爱那样的自己， 也爱那样的你。 谢谢你， 真的。 总觉得 被你喜欢过， 是我最大的幸运。 从来没发现， 我的自我感觉良好， 是源自你对我的好。 让我可以爱上我自己，做自己。 无数次包容我的任性， 倾听我真实的声音。 从未发现， 原来我会怀念那样的知己。

以前 从来不藏秘密 没必要 快乐有人分享 伤心可以找人聊 爱可以很大声说出来 就算让全世界知道 还写了部落格 分享心情 毫无掩饰 一直到 妈妈制止 开始 隐藏真心 一直到 疲惫 现在 真心不再说话 一直保持沉默 冷淡。 并不是谁的错 只是 成长的过程 经历了一些事， 让自己选择了沉默带过。 曾经想着 总会有一个人 愿意倾听 愿意 花时间去理解自己 总有一个人 和我读着相同的书 听着相同的音乐 分享着同样的嗜好 有那么一个 有着共同想法的人。 但 目前为止， 我发现 能这样做的人 就只有 我自己。

总是爱对着部落格自言自语，却对别人说不上一句。总觉得别人不够了解自己。 爱计划事情却不喜欢跟着计划走，我就是三分钟热度。 固执。对喜欢的事情很执着，对决定了的事情就不会轻易改变直到遇见了他，我开始变得不一样，我变得很消沉。 我不清楚我喜欢谁。我有男朋友，却发现我开始变得不爱他。 我喜欢自由，不喜欢被管制。 我喜欢被认同。 我喜欢白色。白色是和平的颜色。 我喜欢音乐，想要做能带来和平和快乐的音乐。 能用兴趣赚钱是目前最大的目标。 我喜欢创造。 喜欢分享，却害怕被看见真心，无法坦诚。 不喜欢解释，认为愿意了解自己的人自然会了解，真相不会撒谎。 不喜欢做作，却发现现实生活布满了假象，开始变得沉默。 矛盾。因为脑袋跟不上内心，内心不跟上脑袋。 迟钝。总是比别人迟发现，更别说是反应过来。 粗心大意。总是弄丢东西，比如：钥匙、耳机、考试准证。考试作答却很细心专注。 缺乏常识。 最不想依赖别人，却总是被别人照顾。 想要照顾别人，帮助别人，却总是相反。 有驾照，却不敢开车。 不擅长煮饭。 慢慢开始做家务，却没有妈妈做得好。 猫控。想要当猫奴。 冷酷。但别人都不这么认为。 混乱的时候喜欢一个人呆着。

我们都不明白什么是爱 什么才是真爱 谈过恋爱却发现爱情没有想象中可爱 才发现所谓的纯爱 停留在念书时代 以往憧憬的爱情 人说长相思守至死不渝 试着放手经营却发现越爱越让人无力 女孩她没有搞明白 谁来让她明白 手里牵着的 是一份想要深信不疑的爱 现在却发现渐渐失温的爱情 无法前进 所谓爱的意义开始淡去 换来的是逃避 被拒绝过两次的真心并不是毫无意义 至少能提醒自己 也曾经体验过爱情 在爱情面前表露无疑的傻气 我爱那样的自己 怎么 我已经不再自己 忘了当初那份炙热 对爱情已经不再坦诚 甚至在情网迷失 已经不能分清哪一句话是出自真心 如果恋爱了 那不快乐的理由又是为了什么 我们都明白 爱情本身并不脆弱 懦弱的是我们 毫无知觉欺骗对方 欺骗自己 越是装作没事越是破绽百出 怎么 爱情让人伤痕累累 夜晚暗地里流泪 女孩伤心的理由即使说了 男孩也不会明白 总是要说明白的理由总觉得对方不够了解 爱情不是拥抱和接吻就能给 我爱你三个字并不是不能说出口 而是需要全心全意才不会大打折扣 若是价值观不同的两个人 能否互相磨合 为避免争执而忍气吞声行不通

Yeah! Glad to hear that because that is what I always wanted. I will never change myself for love, I remain original. I'm hoping on you  to know me better, accept me for who I am. I got tired of all your complains but quiet, as I know someday someone will truly understand those perfect imperfections.

he might be a jerk, don't be a fool i'm not being rude, i'm just being kind to myself i don't speak doesn't mean i don't have a thought doesn't matter how much he cared for you you know how it feels his love towards you in a selfish way at first you are perfect for him but slowly he started to change you for his satisfaction  stay away from all the boys  his jealousy but it hurts when girls surround him he never understand, how silly laugh and jokes he doesn't know how much you care for him and you cared for him his love is like holding a rose with thousand thorns looks so beautiful yet it hurts handle with care but it wilts yet memories last, we stuck!

11th March. I tried to brave myself to talk to you and finally I got the chance while packing our stuffs after the fippro practice. You thought that I don't like you anymore but it's okay, I'll show it in a different way. Time will prove to you that I will never leave, devil.

We had a small fight on 8th March, just because I took a picture with the secondary school boys from outside. We always argue whenever a boy comes to me and I really hate it. It is not wrong to make friends. However, I understand he is just trying to protect me. His jealousy makes me stressful. I'm feeling being controlled. I didn't want to put up a fight so I always ignored and avoided him.  The next day, 9th March, was his birthday. I've been thinking for a long time what to do on this special day. Unfortunately, we both didn't have much time together as we were so busy with activities. Same thing happened on the valentine's day. This time I planned to buy him a present and his favorite cake at least. I spent around two hours searching for gift at the pekan and finally I got him a lotion and t-shirt. I really hope he'd be happy to receive it. Nobody knew the reason I was late for the practice. Maybe they thought I overslept but nevermind, I was waiting to ce