Words That Haven't Been Told
We had a small fight on 8th March, just because I took a picture with the secondary school boys from outside. We always argue whenever a boy comes to me and I really hate it. It is not wrong to make friends. However, I understand he is just trying to protect me. His jealousy makes me stressful. I'm feeling being controlled. I didn't want to put up a fight so I always ignored and avoided him.
The next day, 9th March, was his birthday. I've been thinking for a long time what to do on this special day. Unfortunately, we both didn't have much time together as we were so busy with activities. Same thing happened on the valentine's day. This time I planned to buy him a present and his favorite cake at least. I spent around two hours searching for gift at the pekan and finally I got him a lotion and t-shirt. I really hope he'd be happy to receive it. Nobody knew the reason I was late for the practice. Maybe they thought I overslept but nevermind, I was waiting to celebrate for his birthday. I waited for him since the practice ended, which is around 5pm. I texted him but he didn't reply immediately. I continued to wait near the locker as I knew he might be busy. The time passed and I was getting worried. I felt that he might be angry with me since I ignored him yesterday. I started to cry. I didn't know where to go but I couldn't stop my tears, even in the toilet, stairs, in the middle of the road ... At last I decided to go for a walk at pintu selatan. I received his text but I didn't reply. I didn't know where to stop but I was heading to the KTM station. I felt lonely and I wanted to go home so badly - I'm stucked. There was no one near Abuya, only a kitten. I could hear motorcycles passing by and I was really scared and upset, so depressed. I felt slightly better after holding the kitten. I ran back to the faculty and I received his call. But still, I didn't give him the present and I was really afraid to see him. We met but he walked away. He might not be happy to see me so I didn't stop him.
Today, 10th March. I was hugging his jacket until I felt asleep. He would never know how much I missed him. I cried again and again but nobody seemed to care. I really hope someone could tell me what to do like what Monica had done. Mom, tell me what to do. I wouldn't hurt myself by cutting myself but I'm feeling even worse. No one is here to understand or guide me. I'm feeling so weak but I'm still hoping he will somehow realize. I know I'm just childish.
The next day, 9th March, was his birthday. I've been thinking for a long time what to do on this special day. Unfortunately, we both didn't have much time together as we were so busy with activities. Same thing happened on the valentine's day. This time I planned to buy him a present and his favorite cake at least. I spent around two hours searching for gift at the pekan and finally I got him a lotion and t-shirt. I really hope he'd be happy to receive it. Nobody knew the reason I was late for the practice. Maybe they thought I overslept but nevermind, I was waiting to celebrate for his birthday. I waited for him since the practice ended, which is around 5pm. I texted him but he didn't reply immediately. I continued to wait near the locker as I knew he might be busy. The time passed and I was getting worried. I felt that he might be angry with me since I ignored him yesterday. I started to cry. I didn't know where to go but I couldn't stop my tears, even in the toilet, stairs, in the middle of the road ... At last I decided to go for a walk at pintu selatan. I received his text but I didn't reply. I didn't know where to stop but I was heading to the KTM station. I felt lonely and I wanted to go home so badly - I'm stucked. There was no one near Abuya, only a kitten. I could hear motorcycles passing by and I was really scared and upset, so depressed. I felt slightly better after holding the kitten. I ran back to the faculty and I received his call. But still, I didn't give him the present and I was really afraid to see him. We met but he walked away. He might not be happy to see me so I didn't stop him.
Today, 10th March. I was hugging his jacket until I felt asleep. He would never know how much I missed him. I cried again and again but nobody seemed to care. I really hope someone could tell me what to do like what Monica had done. Mom, tell me what to do. I wouldn't hurt myself by cutting myself but I'm feeling even worse. No one is here to understand or guide me. I'm feeling so weak but I'm still hoping he will somehow realize. I know I'm just childish.
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