#每周手账10 Emotional Detachment 情感分离 vs 情绪分离
Dear Rose,
隔离几个星期才来更新，是因为最近太忙而思绪空空，还是我忙到没有去管理自己的情绪？
写这个每周手账也是为了可以定时整理和管理自己的情绪。
用文字来纾解压力是从小开始的一个习惯。这是因为自己的生长环境一直处于高压。
这种压力来自家人，还有孤僻的童年。
就像其他城市里的孩子一样，父母亲要忙于事业，长时间不在家里。一切饮食由外婆照顾。
进入了青春期以后，印象中平日忙碌又跟自己没有什么交流的父母晚上下班回家会对自己在学业上的表现和成就稍微表示赞美和拿来炫耀。为此继续努力读书做个乖乖大家称赞父母骄傲的乖小孩。没有叛逆期。
一直在父母严谨的保护下长大，就连出门都是被亲护送到房间门口和需要报备所有朋友的资料和联络方式。当然我明白这是为了安全。
但是长大的孩子父母学不会放手，让孩子的这一路成长非常有压力，觉得不曾被理解。
我的叛逆期在我上大学才开始。是因为我在中五考试第一次经历人生的挫败感，还是考乐团没有被录取？我记得自己崩溃了。亚洲的孩子是不是都没有学会哭也是一种能力，每当在别人面前压抑不住情绪而落泪是不是一件丢脸的事情？
不喜欢在任何人事物面前表现软弱，尽可能完美 ...
记得中学的时候喜欢学长，告白被拒绝的时候我哭哭。继续光明正大单恋人家五年。
中五的考试我真的努力了。念了自己很不开心的理科，人生第一次不完美的成绩单。
大学的时候第一次满怀期待地考乐团没有被录取。
每一次的得失都让自己十分执着。
成长让我学会了接受。我可以接受人生不需要完美。因为它不可能完美。
一路学会对自己负责，对我而言主要是面对自己的成长心理和障碍做管理。
我学会忠于自己热爱的事情，为它学习勇敢、坚持和争取。不管别人质疑的声音，不用为别人怎么想而负责和难过。我觉得这就是我迟来的叛逆期。
因为孤独感而喜欢上音乐。印象中父母对于我追随音乐一直保持中立的态度，没有十分支持也没有反对到底，只是偶尔会听到身后质疑的声音。所以这一路我用了“大学资优生”成就解锁来解释和证明自己，更学会了为自己的选择负责。
父母也不是天生就会怎么当一个完美的父母。
大家都是因为成长过程的一些压力才成就了今天的独立。
今天我成年了，也是很多人成为父母的年纪了。但有多少人正视了这些童年和成长为自己带来的心理缺陷，避免余生和后代继续活在阴影下？
I'm sorry 我写了这么多，只是一个自我审核的过程。接下来才要进入主题 ...
刚才因为帮心理学科的朋友填调查问卷，突然对自己又有了新的认识，首先谢谢我的朋友。
Emotional Detachment 是一个有两面的关键用词：情感分离 vs 情绪分离
- 情感是态度在生理上一种较复杂而又稳定的生理评价和体验。
- 情感包括道德感和价值感两个方面，具体表现为爱情、幸福、仇恨、厌恶、美感等。
Emotional Detachment（情感分离、情绪分离），可能意味这两件不同的事情。
第一件事，就是被认为是在情绪水平上不能连接（理解）别人，以及是一种避免某些特定能触发焦虑的场景的手段，通常被认为是情绪麻木或情绪离散。
第二种意思，被认为是心理独断（专断），这使得他们当面对另一个人和一群人的情感需求时，能维持自己的边界和心灵完整性。
我不是专业的心理学家，但我一直都很重视心理的健康。因为家庭和成长背景的关系，自己曾经有自杀和自虐倾向。一直到多年前我读了一本Susan Cain名为《Quiet》的书，才理解自己是高敏感群（Highly Sensitive People），知道了一些更好照顾自己的方式。
- 想要知道自己是不是高敏感的可以做测试：高敏感族自我检测量表 （HSP)
我的HSP高敏感指數是 112分
- 这种接受刺激程度的差异意味着具备高度敏感人格者能观察到的刺激程度的等级,别人无法注意到。30%的高敏感者是外向的。高敏感的24个标志
我觉得心理治疗的第一步是要城实面对自己，找出问题和对的人进行讨论和交流来得到帮助。所以定时跟自己对话，通过情绪管理来调整心理，就和生理的健康管理一样重要。
最近我又跟男朋友提出了分手，当然我很清楚自己想要结束这段关系的理由。
一方面我觉得自己也需要正视一些一直久存的心理。也是我透过调查问卷发现的。
这个问卷是关于亲人病世给两性心理带来的影响。
虽然在几年前有亲人病逝但也不是自己关系最密切的人，所以也没有太大的伤感。也有可能是基督徒的家庭所以觉得脱离人生的苦难应该给予祝福。
What Is Emotional Detachment And How Does It Affect Relationships?
Why Is My Partner Or I Emotionally Detached?
- Past Trauma Or PTSD
People who have experienced traumatic events often respond by numbing their emotions. At the time of the trauma, this may serve them well, allowing them to keep functioning in an extremely stressful situation. It may be a valid form of self-preservation at that moment. However, once the trauma is past, numbing is no longer beneficial. Yet, they may continue avoiding their emotions for years.
- No Role Models For Dealing With Emotions
Children learn how to deal with emotions partly by watching how their parents do it. If your parent was quick to anger or sadness, you might be the same. On the other hand, if your parent never showed any emotion, empathy, or engagement, you would probably have a hard time doing so yourself. You might learn how to feel and express your emotions on your own eventually, or you might need help getting in touch with them.
Parents who are very strict or controlling may reprimand or even physically punish their children for showing emotion. If you or your partner grew up in a home where showing emotions was not allowed, or emotions were not dealt with in healthy ways, it isn't surprising that you would have trouble feeling and expressing them now.
- Fear Of Emotions
For any of a variety of reasons, you might fear emotions. Maybe you or someone else let their emotions get completely out of control, and their reaction frightened you. Or, you might fear your emotions because you're worried that they will make you appear or be weaker. If you're prone to anxiety, you might fear that you'll become anxious whenever you feel strong emotions. Consequently, you avoid your emotions to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety.
- Prior Failed Relationships
Someone who has had their heart broken may avoid getting close to their romantic partner. They may hold them at arm's length to prepare for the day the relationship might be over. They try to connect, but their experience is always in the back of their mind, telling them that it's dangerous to let their guard down.
How Does Emotional Detachment Affect Your Relationship?
- Doing All The Emotional Work Alone
- Going Through The Motions
They talked and acted the way they thought a happy couple should, but they didn't develop any real intimacy.
- Building Resentment
- Making Poor Decisions
- Avoid Acting Out
- Get In Touch With Your Own Feelings
- Find Out What The Cause Is
Think about your past experiences. Recognize the thoughts that come up when you're faced with a situation that could become emotional.
- Set A Few Ground Rules For Communication
- Ask How You Can Help
- Talk To A Couples' Counselor
不要走下去，要走上去。😇
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